Birthdays

On August 26, 1998, my son was born. I gave my son the first name of my fiancé (we never married), my father’s middle name, & my last name. I gave him their names to share him with them but to me, he was only mine. He gave me a reason to become a better person. I stayed awake for practically three days straight so that I wouldn’t miss a moment. I gave him my heart & he took it with him three days later when I gave him new parents. They gave him a new name & all the things I could not.

On August 26, 2013, my daughters were born. We gave them first names we loved, a middle name that I share with my mother, aunt, sisters, cousin, & niece, and both of our last names. I listened to my husband & daughters snore in the hospital room and slept every chance I could. I gave them my heart & we took them home three days later. My son turned fifteen.

Today is August 26, 2014 and my daughters turn one year old. They have turned my world, my life, & my house upside down. I have called friends and family to share moments of joy. I have called friends & family to cry and beg them to reassure me that I’m a good mom. I have laughed and cried (sometimes simultaneously) more in the past year than any other year I remember. I have struggled with and reveled in being a stay at home mom. At one point I sat on the kitchen floor crying to Craig as I made the decision to stop trying to breastfeed after 5 months. Today, I sat on the kitchen floor with a crying child and kissed an owie all better.

Today is August 26, 2014 and my son turns sixteen years old. I have never regretted my decision to place him for adoption, but I miss him always. Every milestone I share with my daughters reminds me of the milestones I’ve missed with him. 

Happy Birthday Kids, I love you all.